It's your life: Make it count

Most of us may have come across the phrase, “Winners don't quit”, and the world around us continues to glorify this phrase by reinforcing its relevance by popularising success stories of some great individuals who with their sheer grit, determination and perseverance, overcame hurdles and roadblocks to shape their destiny. In the frenzy for turning these successful people into demi-gods, who one should follow (even 'ape', if I may take the liberty to say so), we may be overlooking those instances and situations that may have come in their lives, where they actually decided to quit. 

Quitting is not always bad, don't you think? If you ask any seasoned player in the stock market, I'm sure they'll say, however aggressive a strategist you may be, it's imperative that you know when to exit, especially when you're dealing with a volatile market. I'm sure my friends working in the corporate sector are too familiar with the “grind” they go through everyday of their work-lives. The stress, the competition and the need to fit in; we're all aware that these necessary evils take a toll on our health and our families, but we don't seem to know where the exit is. Life has indeed become a constant race, where we're either competing with the others at the workplace always trying to prove that we're better or constantly trying to outperform ourselves. I'm sure a lot of us think that competition is good; as it brings out the best in us, as well as it is a necessity for overall progress and development. Well, although you cannot disagree with that argument, one should know where to draw the line; how much is enough? Too much of anything is bad, isn't it? 

Cut to my story...it was the summer of 2010. I must say, I had it all going well for me. A loving and supportive family, a well-paying IT job in the US, a couple more years left on my work visa, a challenging work assignment where I was doing quite well too. So when my wife and I decided to cut short our 3-year stint in America and return to India, quite a few of my friends thought I was out of my mind, or I was having some personal/family issues back home that I needed to address. Who else would take the outrageous decision of throwing away everything that so many in the IT industry only dream of achieving in a brief career. Some probably even thought I had hit upon a jackpot idea and that the entrepreneurial bug had bitten me and was going back to India to start a new venture. Well, to be honest, how I wish that was true! 

The decision to move back to Mangaluru was not at all impulsive, to say the least. Yes, we eventually wanted to settle down in our hometown, perhaps closer to retirement. The image of the city was still that of a retirement haven. Mangaluru was no longer the sleepy hamlet that we grew up in. Even though the city had grown phenomenally over the last decade or so, as one would have expected, IT companies had not taken a particular liking for the city, even though there are about 18 engineering colleges in the city and around. I believe that the engineers from the district themselves want to go to bigger cities like Bengaluru, Chennai and Pune for better opportunities; perhaps to live the “big-city” life. With the exception of Infosys, no other IT major has significant footprint in the city, although there are some other companies who have offices here, but nothing worth a mention. 

So what was the motivation for me and my family to leave a flourishing career in America and come back to Mangaluru? Well, being a project manager, I decided to run a Cost-benefit analysis. As a family, we had to consider the cost of this decision as well as evaluate the benefits, if any. 

Things we needed to consider at the time: 

What would I do in a city like Mangaluru, especially with the limited career opportunities for a mid-level project manager? If I were to look for a job in another company, I would have had to start afresh; no recommendations, no head-start. Fortunately for me at the time, the company that I was working for, in the US, had a branch in Mangaluru although there weren't as many challenging projects. But it was alright; I just needed a float right then. Must say, I was lucky to find an opportunity. 

My wife is a trained Bharatanatyam performer, who had taken a break after we had our son in 2008. In 2010, she was looking to resume her dance practice and was looking to transform her pastime into a full-time career. Starting her dance career in the US did not seem like a good option especially because I was on a work visa, which was due to expire in 2012. Starting a career in Bharatanatyam in India made more sense then. 

Our son was two-and-a-half years old and would have been ready to start his playgroup (pre-kindergarten) in six months. We never wanted to start his schooling in the US and move to India when he's older. Adjusting to the different environments, different schools, losing friends takes a toll on our kids; something most parents do not realise when they make career decisions that takes them from place to place in search of greener pastures. Having been at the receiving end myself when I was a student, my father who was a banker would get transferred every few years, I had to adjust to new schools, new friends and new languages myself, I could empathise with all the kids who go through this for no fault of theirs. Never did we want to put our dear son through that ordeal. Also, with both my parents and parents-in-law living in Mangaluru, made it an easier decision to make; there's nothing like growing up with your grandparents around. More of a luxury these days when most families are going nuclear.

With all the above benefits enticing me to take the plunge, it was now time to evaluate the cost I was going to have to pay for the above. 

One of the biggest disadvantages of being in a limited opportunity market like Mangaluru (for IT services), however good you may be at your job, you can only grow so much in terms of your role within the organisation. I experienced that in January 2013 – a couple of years after I returned to India. As there were very few opportunities for my skill-set and experience in the company that I worked for, in order for me to continue working for them, I had to take up assignments in another city or resign. At that stage, I decided that staying in Mangaluru was more important for the stability we sought, especially with my wife establishing an organisation for promoting Indian classical arts. She was doing quite well for herself and was beginning to get noticed across the art circles. Another relocation at that stage would have been disastrous for her career, and we decided against it. Finally, by June 2013, I had perhaps become a liability for my employer and I decided to call it quits. 

For someone, who had always been a front-runner in school, in college as well as the companies I had earlier worked for, someone who had not seen many failures in life, it was a moment of experiencing the 'naked truth'. I guess, these moments truly test your mettle; they test your faith, your grit and above all your support system. Fortunately, for me, things fell in place pretty quickly, and I found myself become a part of a not-so-big but promising young company and have been enjoying my stint there, since then. 

Come to think of it, had I chosen to stay in the US, I would have definitely made more money, my career may well have flourished, but we can't be sure about these things, can we? My wife would have resumed her dance career there, but since we never wanted to permanently migrate to the US, we would have returned to India some day, and most of the work she would have put in until then, would have been wasted. Adjustment to the new environment for our son would have been difficult for sure, depending on the duration of our stay there. Quite a lot to “pay”, don't you think? 

In a patriarchal society like ours, why is it that we expect the wife and children to make all the sacrifices to propel the man's career, time and again? Haven't we seen, among our very own friends, that the man decides to take up a fancy new high-paying job in a different city/country and the wife quits her job (in spite of her loving that job and being quite good at it) to tag along with the husband. Our conditioning is so strong that the wife does not even feel that she is sacrificing her career; she only feels that she is doing what's best for the family. 

Well, I just did the same. My cost-benefit analysis said that, for my family, relocating was too much of a cost for the potential benefit of the opportunities that would be available to me as an IT professional but at the cost of my wife's success in something that she is so passionate about. I know I may have shortchanged myself in the bargain, but that's what families are, I believe. We back each other and help one another grow and succeed. Believe me, the success is even sweeter when you know that your little contribution was key to your spouse's success. For my married (male) friends, if you don't believe me, please ask your wives and they will tell you what that feels like. If you're still single, go ask your mother how she felt when your father succeeded in his career. 

 Have to admit, our job is an important part of our lives as we spend about a quarter of our productive years, at work. However, in the pursuit of outperforming ourselves, most of us go overboard, often experiencing the proverbial “burn-out” at a very early stage in our lives. Lifestyle-related disorders seem to be have become a trend of sorts. Why do we disregard our health in the pursuit of wealth, position and success? Does the so-called success bring happiness along? If being happy and content is our goal in life, can't little things that make us smile, like playing with our children, pampering our spouses by helping them around the house, making our parents even more proud of us just by being their companion once in a while, make us happy? 

Whoosh...! Was that your life breezing past, while you were busy slogging on that critical project? Hold it! Time to pause your life, redefine your priorities, take control of your life and get ready to... be happy!